Kinsey’s Story

My name is Kinsey Lawrence, and I am a senior in high school in a small town near Abilene, Texas. High school has definitely been a growing journey for me because of multiple reasons, and I have learned a lot throughout these past few years including never taking anything for granted. I had the honor of knowing one of the most outgoing, smartest, funniest girls in the world.

My friend and I were extremely close considering the fact we talked to each other on a deeper level compared to the way we talked to everyone else. She was beyond smart and always pushed me to be better. I had never known someone like her before, and that was what drove me to grow a strong friendship with her. We bonded tightly over cross country practice, and the car rides home to drop her off.

We knew each other so well. I knew what her worries and concerns were. I knew she was stable because she had such a future ahead of her, and she knew that, and we always talked about it. She was always trying to think outside the box, and figure out new ways to do things.

The day before her passing we had so much fun. Talking about all things good, and even talked about a brutal car crash that she had survived a few weeks prior. We discussed how she was needed in this world, and that God had a purpose for her life, and that is why she wasn’t taken in that crash. That day we laughed about my math project that looked nothing like it was supposed to. She promised me that she would help me fix it the next day, but tomorrow never came. What was supposed to be “tomorrow”, simply became a cold memory in my mind.

I learned about her passing from the very serious face of another friend of mine, and instantly my body became so hot. My mind couldn’t comprehend why someone so close to me would allow me to go through something like this. I tried to cover my emotions and complete shock, but deep down all I wanted was to let every emotion inside of me out. For the next two years in high school nobody truly knew how hard it was for me to walk into classrooms, or even show up to school. I intentionally did not take specific classes that I had once enjoyed simply because of the pain I felt imagining her face, and our memories together in those classrooms. I woke up thinking about her for days, and to say it got better just isn’t true. As the numbness and shock of it all wore off, the more I began to think about everything we had once discussed, and to be quite frank I became very mad.

The way I have coped with her being gone… God. He is the only explanation. I never once blamed Him, nor was I ever upset with Him. My response to God was simply, “I do not understand, but I know You are with me.” I’ve reminded myself of that every day that I think of her, and I may never understand while here on this Earth as to why any of it happened, but I will say I have peace. It’s a peace that nothing in this world could ever bring me, or anyone, except for God. It’s a peace that is so unexplainable. It’s a peace that brings me comfort from other things in life and memories that I will forever cherish. It’s a peace He will give you when you don’t think you can breathe anymore. When you don’t know why… just trust, have faith because I promise God is going to take care of you. He is always with you and forever will be.

To this day I still think about her, and still even become very sad at the mention of her name. She really did have such a future, and played a big role in my life. I just wish she hadn’t taken her life for granted.